More horrifying than "Dracula" - "Frankenstein"

Bela Lugosi stars as Dr. Eric Varnoff, a mad scientist bent on perfecting an atomic ray capable of turning average citizens into superhumans. Protected by Lobo (Tor Johnson), a giant man-servant, Varnoff freely experiments on the unfortunate souls who accidentally wander onto his estate, usually killing them in the process. But when the doc attempts to turn Janet Lawton (Loretta King) into an indestructible nymph, cupid shoots Lobo through his gargantuan heart and everything goes haywire. This is Ed Wood at his bets-giant rubber octopus, lost of mismatched stock footage, weird dialogue, and always something unexpected.

The screen's master of the WEIRD...IN HIS NEWEST and MOST DARING SHOCKER!

Ed Wood, incredibly poor director of such abominations as "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and "Glen Or Glenda" does it again with "Bride of the Monster." This flick is not as well known as those others, but it's deserves to be seen for most of the same reasons that they do. "Bride of the Monster" is terrible from start to finish. And by start, I mean the title. I give nothing away by saying that there is no monster to speak of in "Monster." And no one gets married. The film was originally supposed to be titled "Bride of the Atom" (a title that makes a little more sense, but not much) but Wood was forced to change it (See the wonderful "Ed Wood" for the whole story). So no monsters get married, but we do have Bela Legosi in his declining years as a sad little mad scientist, with Tor Johnson as his assistant Lobo, whom he commands around, and occasionally whips unconvincingly. The plot is devoid of any value, and the "special" effects are just as bad as "Plan 9." The octopus is especially good, along with the evil atomic-powered character who wears platform shoes to give the appearance of additional height. So incredibly bad you have to laugh. And at only a little over an hour, it's a breeze to sit through. Strongly recommended for fans of terrible (but fun) movies.

It'll make your skin crawl!

For years, conventional wisdom has had it that Ed Wood Jr.'s Plan 9 from Outer Space is the ultimate "bad movie," a sort of Holy Grail of cinematic ineptitude. Often lost in the shuffle, though, is Bride of the Monster (fans of Tim Burton's biopic Ed Wood will already be familiar with it and the off screen misadventures that went along with it). Bela Lugosi plays Dr. Vornoff, a mad scientist working on a race of superbeings in his lab. His process of clamping a metal lampshade onto the heads of his subjects and zapping them with radiation usually kills them, but the monstrous Lobo (Tor Johnson) survives and becomes Vornoff's assistant. Vornoff's plans go awry, though, when he tries to get a nosy reporter to mate with Lobo and winds up being given the atom treatment himself. Suffice it to say that there's a grappling match between Vornoff and Lobo until the evil doctor falls into a pit and wrestles a rubber octopus. Stock footage of lightning and an atomic explosion round things out for a great non sequitur of an ending. Knowing Bela Lugosi's sad state by the time that he and Ed Wood had teamed up makes it hard to watch this movie without feeling a pang of pathos for the 73-year-old actor; indeed, Bride was his last speaking role. Still, any movie with as many obvious gaffes in direction, editing, set design, narrative (heck, take your pick) as Bride is a must for any connoisseur of bad movies. And of course, the gargantuan Tor Johnson gets to utter the deathless line: "Time for... go to bed."

Bride of the Monster (1955)
Directed by: Edward D. Wood Jr.

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